Progress in the spiritual life is a good thing. But if progress seems to escape you (and it will at times), the first step is to stop moving away from the goal. Every step away from the goal is two steps to get back. The scriptures teach “narrow is the way. Do not turn to the left nor to the right”. And we could add, “don’t turn around and go back the other way.”
And sometimes trying hard to progress directly toward the goal is in fact the problem. There are times when the Lord gives us great powers of introspection into our own souls. He allows us to see some of the things that need to change, and maybe we’re even inspired to try to change some of them, but I think that this is not the purpose that the Lord has in mind in showing us these things about ourselves. For if we knew the truth about ourselves – how deeply sinful we are – then we would be overwhelmed. Even the tiny bit He does show me, when I see my myriads of sins, they can seem overwhelming and confusing. So many of them in so many different areas. Fighting each one individually is like playing a game of whack-a-mole with the passions. So many seemingly different problems - it’s like, “where do I start?” And then what can happen is a despair sets in of starting at all.
The good news: The fathers teach this that if you have one passion, you actually have them all. Let that sink in. So yes, the hospital of the church prescribes a specific therapy for each the various passions, treating each according to various illnesses that they are. There are many illnesses, but there is only one disease. The fathers also teach that if you have one virtue, you have them all. So how can this be? The one passion that contains all passions is pride, and the one virtue that contains all virtues is humility. The secret of the Eastern Church Fathers thinking on salvation: Increase of humility the master therapy for treating all the passions at the same time because it attacks the illnesses at the root of their disease. Therefore, anything I do to increase humility, addresses the root problem, and the passions that are manifesting seem to clear up on their own. Any increase in humility helps with all the passions at the same time. St. Peter says, “God opposes the proud, and give grace to the humble.” This is the universal medicine for the entire human condition. Here’s a secret of spiritual warfare - “Don’t let the left hand know what the right hand is doing.” If in your left hand are your evil passions, humble yourself with your right hand, and your passions will have no idea what hit them! St. Porphyrios teaches in Wound by Love, “Do not strike at the evil directly, but, disdaining the passion, turn with love to God!”
In the church, we have way of humility regarding our faults that is time-tested. As Orthodox Christians, we are encouraged to confess our sins to one another and ask for each other’s prayers for healing. As James the brother of the Lord writes in his letter, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (James 5:16, NKJV)
It is good for human beings to find good and trusted friends and councilors to sit with us and discuss our problems with them and ask for their prayer. This teaching appears many times in the scriptures; it can be found especially in the Proverbs and Psalms: seek council, wait for the Lord, do not act on your own. Practice discernment by submitting to others. This is a humble act of obedience that we can do. In this way, the obedience to God’s word and to each other is the mother of humility. For usually we cannot do much about our pride – in fact, the scriptures teach that pride is blinding, and we do not see it in ourselves, but we can choose to act in a humble manner. This may not be the same thing as humility, but it is the precursor to it, the desert fathers in particular teach that humility of action in word, bodily posture, in actions, is the beginning of the humility of the mind, humility of the mind follows by God’s grace.
In the Orthodox Church, we have two traditions that have sort of merged into one. First, we have the practice of spiritual direction where we share with another person all our thoughts, as strange as they may be, and we confess our minor faults, and major ones too. And we listen and take advice from the person we have chosen, who is more advanced in the spiritual live than we are. This is what we do with a spiritual father, or spiritual mother or spiritual advisor. It is a monastic tradition - confession of faults and evil thoughts to an elder - it is wonderful for people in the world practice too. And the grace of God enters into that relationship, and we receive healing, and God speaks to us through that other person. Christ is with both spiritual father and spiritual child in a way that surpasses words.
The other tradition is a mystery of the Church which we commonly call “confession”. This powerful sacrament acts as a “second baptism”, when we have sinned heavily and gravely, and perhaps publicly - the church prescribes a way for us to reclaim our baptismal grace. Historically, this was for large “public” sins that might cause scandal. The church would prescribe a period of abstinence from the reception of Holy Communion for the salvation of the person who had sinned - then when that period was over, they would come in and make a confession before the icons and the priest would witness their repentance and pray for God to forgive them. Then they could then be restored to full communion. In the original Greek Orthodox Tradition, there is no declarative formula of absolution with a sacramental confession. The practice of the prayer of absolution developed in the medieval West and was adopted as part of Orthodox practice in some jurisdictions in the 17th century. Not all have it today. And it’s not bad – and perhaps it emphasizes a reality we might otherwise miss. The prayer of the priest after confession asks that God forgive the sins that were confessed, through him. But it is God who forgives the sins, not the priest. And this is in fact desirable - for the Lord desires not the death of a sinner, but that he repent, turn back, and be saved. The priest is acting as God’s instrument of healing. After this prayer has been offered, the person is now in a condition to receive the Eucharist – which is the healing medicine of Christ.
We can always go to the icons with the priest and go to the Lord and ask Him to examine us in a confession. And the priest who represents the whole church will pray for our forgiveness, and this is effective in a way that is unique – we can’t get it any other way...
And we have the ultimate medicine which is both forgiveness of individual sins, and healing for eternal life. The Eucharist. Which is the way that sins are forgiven and the way in which the sickness of sin is removed from us by the chief physician of our souls and bodies – that is Christ. When we approach the chalice during the Divine Liturgy, we allow Christ to examine us as we are, without any “fig leaves” of pride and shame to cover us. We have done the work of removing those in our spiritual direction and sacramental confession. When you receive communion in the holy orthodox church, the priest will say to you, as he places the gifts on your tongue, “the servant of God receives the body in blood of his or her Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ for mission of his or sins and for life everlasting.” This is the assurance of absolution - that you have received the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world – it is such a relief and blessing!!
For what is the point of forgiving individual sins, if the sin that lives in us is not ultimately healed? Relief of the symptoms of a disease is good, but curing the disease is the solution. The Eucharist is not for the perfect. It is not for those who achieved perfection. It is for those who are sick. It is for the sinner, and the difference between worthy and unworthy reception is the recognition and acknowledgment through actions that we are sinners in need of God‘s mercy - and the acknowledgement that God is the only one who truly loves sinners – that Christ only true lover of mankind. This attitude of the heart the Orthodox Church calls “repentance” which is the wholesale changing of direction of the through action – and by mind we me far more than just the intellect.
The Orthodox faith is about deification and transformation of the whole human being over the arc of their lives. It is fulfillment in each person of 100% of their human potential. Each one made in the image of God, and this is the transformation into the full likeness of God, which we call “theois” – the becoming by God’s grace of what God is by His uncreated and ineffable nature.
God is not interested in having you enumerate in great detail your faults your failures, this is not a recommended practice. Recalling of the detail of sinful acts to mind can cause us to be tempted and to fall again - and going into excruciating detail can actually harm our confessor or spiritual father. And we should be careful also what we say in front of the icons: As St. Paul says, “For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.” (Ephesians 5:12, NKJV) So – things should be uncovered in the right way and at the right time and place. Discernment. And the belief that we must list every detail of every sinful act and speak out loud of every depraved and horrible thing we do - brings up in us harmful shame as we recall the sinful acts, this destructive form of shame keeps us away from allowing ourselves to be examined by the great and merciful physician of souls – it is in fact a manifestation of the passion of pride. That is the belief that we are so bad, we cannot be saved. The belief that even though God says He Loves all his creatures, that somehow, He can’t or doesn’t love me. In this state, we cover ourselves with “fig leaves” of behaviors to avoid the pain. We and engage in addictions – drugs, food, alcohol, sex, porn, whatever - we actually embrace our passions – we love our fallen selves - and find what we think are new and innovate ways to magnify those passions and to maximize their numbing effect, all so we can escape the shame of sin. Just like Adam did in Genesis. After Adam sinned, God came looking for him, calling out his name. God knew where he was and what he done. But he wanted to give Adam a chance to repent, so he said “Adam! Where are you?” And Adam did answer honestly – he said, “I am hiding because I am afraid because I am naked”. And he asked Adam, “Did you eat from the tree?” Adam aware of his nakedness of sin, he covered it with fig leaves, and he said the biggest thickest fig leaf of all “It’s that woman you gave me.” So thereby he blamed both God and his wife for his sins at the same time - in a master stroke of deflection and coverup.
So let us not do this. When we are overwhelmed by sin, when our hearts are burdened, let’s find somebody we trust to talk to about it. And then in our self-examination, if we feel we need to, if our hearts are heavy, let us go before the icons and let us allow the Church to pray for us, and allow the great and merciful physician of souls and bodies - who is Christ - to examine us and make His prescription. And then let us receive the Eucharist with renewed fervor.
St. Simeon the New Theologian Prays thus before communion:
“Wash me with my tears, and purify me with them, O Word; remit also my transgressions, and grant me pardon. Thou knowest the multitude of mine evils, Thou knowest also my sores, and Thou seest my wounds; but also Thou knowest my faith and Thou beholdest my good intentions, and Thou hearest my sighs. Nothing is hidden from Thee, my God, my Creator, my Redeemer, neither a teardrop, nor a part of a drop. My deeds not yet done Thine eyes have seen, and in Thy book even things not yet accomplished are written by Thee. See my lowliness, see my toil, how great it is, and all my sins take from me, O God of all; that with a pure heart, a trembling mind, and a contrite soul I may partake of Thy spotless and most holy Mysteries, by which all that eat and drink in purity of heart are quickened and deified.
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O Saviour, that none other hath sinned against Thee as have I, nor hath wrought the deeds that I have done. But this again I know, that neither the magnitude of mine offences nor the multitude of my sins surpasseth the abundant long-suffering of my God and His exceeding love for mankind; but with sympathetic mercy Thou dost purify and illumine them that fervently repent, and makest them partakers of the light, sharers of Thy divinity without stint. And, strange to angels and to the minds of men, Thou conversest with them oftimes, as with Thy true friends. These things make me bold, these things give me wings, O Christ. And taking courage from the wealth of Thy benefactions to us, rejoicing and trembling at once, I partake of Fire, I that am grass. And, strange wonder! I am bedewed without being consumed, as the bush of old burned without being consumed. Now with thankful mind, and grateful heart, with thankfulness in my members, my soul and body, I worship and magnify and glorify Thee, my God, for blessed art Thou, both now and unto the ages.”
Amen.